fic: Love, Chapter 4

[emilie786]

The fourth chapter of Love, my companion piece to It Wasn't Love by Spengie.

Title: Love
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Pairing(s)/Relationship(s): Janeway/Chakotay
Characters: Chakotay, Kathryn Janeway
Additional Tags: Star Trek: Voyager
Summary: Chakotay tells the story of his relationship with Kathryn Janeway, from his point of view.
Chapter 4 of ?
614 words

Thank you to Voyagirl47 and Loopdeloup for the encouragement and beta reading! Thank you again to Spengie for inspiring this and allowing me to write it! 

I began to feel something more than attraction for Kathryn Janeway.

Every evening I worked the crowd in the mess hall. From group to group I went, checking in with each crew member as often as I could. I had chosen deliberately to unite the crew through our common goal of returning to Earth. I set up Captain Janeway as our best hope of reaching that goal, careful not to build too much hope into speedy results. We might never get back to Earth, and I knew it. 

While I was talking to the crew, Tuvok was watching me. Occasionally the Captain was with him, more often he was alone at a table with his dinner and a padd he looked at less than he looked at me. 

Tuvok was still her spy.

In my mind, I tried to be diplomatic about this; she had her reasons to be cautious, to gather information. I would do the same in her position. In fact I was, at that time, consciously observing her and mentally cataloging everything I learned about Kathryn Janeway: She was an explorer, unfailingly curious and analytical, a capable, conscientious, and fair leader. She was encouraging to those who needed it and selfless to a fault. She never gave up, worked hard, was genuine in her dealings with her crew and made decisions from her exceptional intelligence and a deep desire to stay on the moral high ground in every situation. She believed in Starfleet. She believed that in a universe of endless possibilities, there was a way for us to get back to Earth within our lifetimes. As I watched her, she became an inspiration to me, and I did my best to pass that on to our crew.

But the thought of that exceptional Vulcan hearing made my skin crawl just a little. 

I needed something to distract myself from the lingering resentment over Tuvok's duplicity so I could concentrate on my job, and I began to think about her. Instead of something to be avoided, thoughts of her voice and her beautiful face, her elegance, and her confidence, became a solace for my mind. Perhaps it was because I was talking about her with the crewmembers over and over again, but it worked. I was able to keep my anger at bay.

I had nothing to hide from the Vulcan anyway, or from the Captain. Let him listen, I told myself. Maybe he would tell her what I said about her. Maybe he would tell her I was loyal, I was on her side, and she could trust me.

The evening after our Romulan friend went back to his own place and time, Captain Janeway joined Tuvok in the mess hall. Their heads were close for a minute, and I guessed he was relaying what he had overheard me saying to the crew so far. I had worked hard that night, rebuilding hope and reassuring the disappointed and discouraged crew. I had my hand on Ensign Kim’s shoulder when the Captain walked out of the mess hall. Something in the way she walked--just a little too fast--made me realize that while I was working to provide encouragement, I had been neglecting the most crucial member of Voyager’s crew.

I glanced at Tuvok, who was looking at the mess hall doors. I doubted his was the shoulder she cried on. Vulcans weren’t known for their empathy. Who then? As I looked around the room at the small groups, some Maquis, some Starfleet, and a few which were a mixture of both, I realized that among our crew there was no one who could provide that for Kathryn Janeway. 

Except, perhaps, me.

Comments

[jellybeansarecool]

Oooooooo, he's finding his place beside the Captain! And more than just crew schedules and asked for advice!
I really like how you've brought forward Tuvok's caution in this chapter as well. I wonder if we'll see when he accepts Chakotay and Kathryn's connection. Wouldn't it be interesting if someone did Janeway and Chakotay's relationship from his perspective? The third member of those in large and in charge ;)
Highlighting Chakotay's intentionality with the crew and bringing them together makes my heart happy - I love to see it described here!

[emilie786]

Thank you!! I *do* think that would be interesting! Very interesting to hear Tuvok's perspective. *😉😉 hint hint*

I completely believe Chakotay did just what I'm writing, worked to bring the crew together. He was in the best position to do so, and frankly had more experience leading a crew without the backup power of Starfleet within reach if things went wrong. He was so loyal to Kathryn from the start I think he would have conveyed that trust in her to the crew as much as he could. In my opinion, his leadership was essential to their survival and is too often overlooked.

Ah, sorry, you got me talking about Chakotay. That can go on forever 🤣

Thank you so much for your comments! 💕💕💕

[jellybeansarecool]

Oh, I totally agree with you! He would have been instrumental in helping the crews come together (in ways I don't think Kathryn would have realised or thought of - I think her role was instrumental in solidifying the bond that Chakotay helped create).
You can always talk about Chakotay as long as you'd like, in my opinion. I'm all ears!